As of late, I normally don't post more than once a month.
Technically, not even that often this year.
Consider yourself fortunate.

The thing is, this month has been magnificently horrible for myself.
We've all had those right?
Where NOTHING seems to be going right for you.

To clear my mind and give you an idea of what's been happening to me I'm gonna give you a small sample.

10/11/05 - g/f of the past 3 and 1/2 yrs. wants to take break. Outburst comes out of nowhere.
10/18/05 - I (not my car) get hit by an old lady in parking lot of the North County Fair Mall. Left knee still currently bugging the hell out of me
10/29/05 - On the hunt for a new job since my old one had no need of me anymore. Dangers of being a temp.
10/31/05 - Officially step into the single life.

That's right.
You read it.
We're broken up now and apparently there's no chance of us getting back together.
Pretty much her decision on everything. Not even a great breakup makeout session, blowjob, sex, whatever.

HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN!!!

I've been dealing w/ paralyzing depression for two weeks. Let's switch to anger right now shall we?
Three and a half years. Give or take a few weeks that I could give a fuck over about.
Reaaaalllly hard not to think that it was all just wasted time.
Just seeing her deal w/ it just pisses me off even more, it doesn't hurt as much for her because this decision has been on her mind for quite awhile apparently.
With all the shit I've had to support, take and deal w/ from her, you'd think that she'd be able to deal w/ one issue.
ONE FUCKING ISSUE
Nope. Too much for her. Don't even know if she tried to attempt to understand from my point of view and see how I can't change my convictions.
It WON'T get better if I do.
I know I have trust issues. But can you blame me? I've been gettin' fucked over for the most part in my life everytime I place my trust/faith/goodwill in someone.

*sigh*
The thing I hate 'bout most in ending a relationship is changing my lifestyle around. That's how I deal w/ it.
Gotta get away from the things that remind me of my ex... never get used to typing that.

I apologize for the lack of order in this post, but it is understandable and fits my MO right?

I'm just a sad, lonely, pathetic, sobbing in the most non-manliness way possible right now state of mess.
The gambit of emotions I've been dealing w/ the past couple of weeks... take that and multiply it by an obscene amount to deal w/ the new waves of emotion I'm dealing w/ at the moment.
So you can count this as an official call for help. Since we decided to go on break I've only had three phone calls. Sandee's call today being the third.

Help.
Damnit...

The Random Quote:
"I should be leaving now..." -Sandee